The Science Of Unplugging

What is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? - Mary Oliver

Every month for this 12 Months of Digital Wellness series, I have been living what I’m writing about in real-time. And not intentionally. Truly, it is so particular how it’s unfolding this way. I am on this journey as I’m sharing it with you.

This month, when the kid's Summer break started we went camping a few times, and one of those times was a 5-day digital detox. I heard there would be no cell service where we were going so I went ahead and sent my “out of the office” texts. But I honestly wasn’t sure and wasn’t fully prepared. We were listening to Spotify as we drove down to the camping spot. When the song abruptly stopped, we realized we had lost signal. Boy was it a deafening silence. We were without a signal for the next five days. Our oldest even tried to hike out to a high enough elevation to get a signal on the first day. “Sorry, son!”

By day two, being apart from our phones, laptops, TV, Netflix, podcasts, and yes, music was like taking a deep breath for the first time in a while. I even currently have my phone set up to help me digitally minimize my day, but this was a true break. Going off the grid. On top of that, we were submerged deep into nature. We were surrounded by the sound of a rolling river while we slept, crackling fire while we ate, and the voices of friends and deep words spurring conversations throughout the week.
 

By deep breath, I’m talking a long slow inhale - exhale yoga breath!

I’m learning the importance of incorporating a practice into my life more regularly, and I don’t have to get away to do it. It’s the practice of Unplugging - disconnecting from technology all together for a period.

unplug : 
- to remove what is blocking something

- to take the plug of a piece of electrical equipment out of the place where it is connected to the electricity supply

Am I the supply? 

A study in the International Journal of Health & Addiction identifies increased use of technology as one of the big threats to mental health for adults.  The benefits of unplugging are very clear as well as being extensive. It’s science. Being excessively connected to our devices negatively impacts our mental and physical states, affecting our relationships as well as our work or school performance.

Taking a simple break from my device allows a reset for my body, mind and spirit.  However, we all know it’s anything but simple to step away from our devices for a short time. The tech industry is causing our brains to reject that science and justify just why we can’t spend intentional time off.  
 

Let's talk about the science.

When our phone is present we are neurologically attached to it and everything our brain has been wired to value that is on the other end of that screen.  We also know notifications from our phones trigger our fight-or-flight response. This is an instinctive physiological response of survival that all humans experience when faced with a threat.  It doesn't matter if you are facing physical danger or a pressing email from work, in a moment of stress your body works the same way. The body's sympathetic nervous system kicks into action and hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol are released into the body. (Adrenaline is the specific hormone gaming apps and top tech labs target for us to come back for more.)  Not only will this hormone dump leave us feeling on edge, but continually elevated cortisol levels are linked directly to depression, high blood pressure, obesity, and many more negative health issues. That's why they say - Stress will kill you.  Even though neurologically and physiologically all this is happening in our bodies while on our phones we are mostly unaware of these stressors.  Unless we take time away we will not have a chance to recognize this body response or do anything about it. 

Many studies related to cyberpsychology are showing this correlation between having time away from our devices and increased quality of life. What causes this increased quality of life?  The participants in the studies had “more time” to themselves, to be present and rest internally instead of numbing out on or being overstimulated by devices. They also were less distracted and therefore had “more time” to spend on activities that were important to them and with people who were valuable to them.

 Journal of Travel Research found that people who digitally disconnected during travels felt they experienced better, richer relationships with other people and the world around them.

How many times do we say, “I don’t have time to cook, to read a book, to play, to workout, to walk the dog, to paint, to throw the football.” These are all examples from my own house, FYI!  In short, unplugging can force us to be more creative with how we spend our time and in turn make our time QUALITY. Next month we're going to look at our relationship with our phone and what we can do to set up a more digital minimalist phone. I'm excited to share these decluttering action steps with you!

Every time I speak about digital wellness this caveat is important to mention, so I’ll say it here, too. Of course, there is a time to binge that amazing new series on Netflix with friends, family, or by yourself. There is a time to swipe through fun videos and recipes, hammer out your texts and emails, share that important moment or message on social, listen to that Best of 90’s playlist on Spotify, and catch up on your favorite podcast series and…and…and…
 

Our devices enhance our lives, no doubt about it. 

But I hope you also see that our human bodies, minds, and spirits are starving for what they need regularly: 

Silence. Stillness. A necessary break.

It’s an invitation.

-Dawn Wible

Find resources for healthy digital habits at talkmoretechless.com

sources: center for humane technology, digital wellness institute, pew research center, dictionary, Marissa Higgins, childrensscreentimeactionnetwork Photo: Amy Easley, Stillwater Refuge

Do You See Me?

“Let him who cannot be alone beware of community... Let him who is not in community beware of being alone.”  Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together

As we're walking this road to #techresponsibly – 12 Months of Digital Wellness, we began by looking back at 2020. We then moved into intention, building a life over a brand. We had to look at ourselves, our mind, and our body, before taking a look at relationships. And we haven't even ventured into the larger societal issues yet. Simply put, it starts within. We have to look inward before we can even begin to look outward. If you haven't yet, I encourage you to go read the previous months (linked below) to continue on this journey.  People are wired for connection from the beginning, in our very brain function.

"Relationships influence the brain more than anything." 

- Adam Young

We need connection to feel safe. Our nervous systems believe that relational disconnection means we are in danger. Connection not only is a survival mechanism but also directly affects our health and happiness. It helps us survive and thrive. Connection is formed by emotional bonds and interactions, and it is strengthened by mutual experiences. When connection, whether online or off, happens, it's magical—it's what we're designed for.  

We need each other. 

Social media platforms have, no doubt, transformed social connections around the world. When we look at the anxiety, depression, and suicide rates that have been on a drastic rise with social media use and phones, which are underreported, it's hard to deny all that is associated with a physical disconnection from relationships. And after this past year, the suffering from the loss of human interaction is just now catching up with us. We need to consider how our interactions turning digital have inextricably linked our phones with our mental health. 

Phones also have no discrimination—every socioeconomic group, gender, race, age, and geographical area is affected. No one can escape the phone trap because we all need our people, and they are on the other end of these tiny black screens. Or are they?  

Let's take a look at a thing called social capital (our social ties and where our energy and investment go) to understand what kinds of relationships we spend time nurturing online.
Bonding Social Capital:  strong relationships between individuals that allow for emotional support, trust, and companionship.
Bridging Social Capital: weak, distant relationships between individuals that make opportunities available for information sharing and knowledge transfer.  
Both are important and worth paying attention to in terms of how much time we invest and where.  

"Well-being has been extensively associated with social bonds. When we use social media as a tool to deepen our strong-tie relationships (i.e. those with close friends and family rather than acquaintances or weak-tie relationships), our well-being increases. When we use it to consume content or compare ourselves to others, well-being decreases. - Digital Communication Media Use and Psychological Well-Being, Oxford, Oct.2019

Being intentional with relationships online & off directly affects our health & happiness.
 

Social media can be deceptive because it provides the appearance of connection while actually making us lonelier. It does this by making surface interactions with weak-tie relationships incredibly convenient. Dr. Vivek Murthy, physician, former Surgeon General of the US, and author of Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World, witnessed loneliness first-hand and began studying its effects. He says of social media, "The ease of interacting with our middle and outer circles replaces true interaction with our inner circles." He's not wrong. We can build a friends list of 750 with the click of a button.
Our deep relationships often take a back seat to:

easier interactions

constant access

shorter convos

faster friends

public view & consumption

unlimited availability

efficient messaging

incredible networking opportunities

social media comment debates 

Many of these things are wonderful and have allowed for incredible relationships and life-giving interactions. But those of us who have had positive engagement and experiences online can get defensive and even be blind to the effect the online world has on our social ties as a whole, specifically in younger generations. We are wise to name the tension created in our relationships by social media and the digital age. It can be amazing and horrifying and everything in between. 

Now, let’s explore our IRL (In Real Life) relationships, which are much slower, more complex, complicated, long-standing, harder, awkward, cringey sometimes even, wonderful, and fulfilling. When was the last lingering conversation you had? Many of us are just scratching the surface of knowing the people in our lives and even knowing ourselves. We're living on that exterior level and not "being with" enough to sink into the deeper waters of knowing and being known. What keeps us from these deep, life-giving relationships?  

We long to be seen, known & loved.

The fear of disconnection, rejection, and pain often keeps us from life-giving relationships. Because we’re wired for connection, we fear disconnection. But this fear can keep us from enjoying what we are designed for. We have so much to offer! Our beauty, our minds, our gifts. We humans are “deep waters,” and we all long to “dive in” to connect with others. We long to be seen, to belong. Whether watching a video of themself dancing on their phone over and over, or looking in your eyes with a big ol’ smile, that 4-year-old is saying, "Do you see me?" Whether logging onto a first social media account or stepping through the door at a new friend's birthday party, that 13-year-old is saying, "Do you see me? Do I belong?” And when we are seen, known, and loved, we thrive. 

But, to be seen also takes vulnerability, and vulnerability comes with a cost. We must be willing to risk disconnection, rejection, and deeper hurt. Sometimes being seen isn't received well and doesn't lead to being known and loved. In my life, I can name moments when I wasn't seen and built walls of disconnection. 

But the truth I discovered over and over again is that being unseen is a greater cost. To be unseen is to hold back, to shrink, to stay voiceless. It might even involve screaming out online "Do you see me?" while not allowing those closest to me access. Being unseen is costing lives every day. We see it in youth, in college students, in parents, in the elderly. So many of us are walking through this world unseen, begging for connection in whatever way we can find it, or cutting it off because it just hurts too much to risk.  God is the One who can break down those walls, and He has little by little in my own life as I pursue healing in the broken places of connection in my story.  I then can pursue those broken pieces in others, my kids, my family - changing the course of lives.

Where have you put up walls against deep connections in your life? What is a moment you can remember that you stopped being seen? Digital immigrants (those of us who remember life before online), go way back to before we could "blame" social media for our disconnection. Find those moments in your story that need tending to and healing in the realm of connection and being seen. And then, name them, make space, tell the truth, and reach out.
Remember that you belong here. We need you. We need to see you.
 

"Live in a world that embraces people, not a world that is preoccupied."

Dr. Vivek Murthy, Together 

-Dawn Wible

Find resources for healthy digital habits at talkmoretechless.com

sources: center for humane technology, digital wellness institute, pew research center, childrensscreentimeactionnetwork, sowthat.com, nielsen

My Undistracted Mind - February - 12 Months of Digital Health

un·dis·tract·ed - able to concentrate fully on something; not distracted.

usedopamine.com advertisement -
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Our beautiful human design is being studied & monetized. How do we take back our mind and learn to protect this very important part of our humanity?

Grab a cup of hot tea and settle in for this read. I even challenge you to set aside any distractions and take in this content deeply and fully focused.

We've all been here, picking up our phone to put a dentist date in the calendar, but wait, a text. 

Read: "School is closed tomorrow due to icy weather".
Text husband "kids are out tomorrow, adjust work".
Group texts begin, "Check school social media, guys".
Open instagram for school account, "But wait. I want to make those delicious-looking nachos tonight for dinner!  No, even better, I want to ORDER that lasagna for dinner." Click, swipe. Dinner done. Scroll some more, "Oh my gosh, my nephew got married and I didn't know?!" Text sister, "He's married?" Ok, what was I looking for again? Oh yeah, school social. Yep, school is canceled. 

...dentist appt. never made ;)
2 days later. Oh yeah, I need to make a dentist appt. When? Open calendar...repeat.

Using research-based tools for digital flourishing we are going to look at why our minds are so scattered right now and how to make steps toward a healthier brain.

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I was speaking at a digital wellness training last weekend when I was asked a question by a college intern.  "How can I take time for myself and my mental health if I need to be available at all times for my colleagues to contact me?  We're working on very important projects and they need to get ahold of me at all hours of the day and night. I can't be away from my phone."  This is actually a very common conundrum and I have this conversation often. Parents away from kids, spouses and partners away from one another, suicidal friends at risk, work, school, travel, co-parenting, family members battling illness, hospital calls,... This is a reality for so many of us. 

We. Can't. Be. Away. From. Our. Phones.  

But statistically, most of the time we're not contacting people on our phones. (You can see on your screen-time settings, what you use your phone for most.)  Many times we use it for other purposes, but we are neurologically attached relationally to keep it with us at all times.

I recently noticed a new trend.  Many of us apologize now when we read a text and reply later than when it came in. Like we're actually on the timetable of someone else's life.
"Oh, I'm sorry I'm just seeing this. Yes, I have a dress you can borrow."
"Sorry, I didn't see your message until just now. That is so funny what he said to you!" 
Or, when we're living our moment, whether it's cooking dinner, working, or talking to the kids, and a text comes in, our life stops and we pick up someone else's schedule that they are on, while ours takes a back seat. 
Actually evaluating the important disruptions that we should tend to vs. the distracting disruptions that can be set aside for the time being is valuable work. When we can move toward healthy limits with our phones our brains will thank us.

 Boundaries do not mean we are weak,
they mean we are strong, smart & healthy.

From our January email Building a Life, Not a Brand...

Your mind  ✓ When building a life, you're living from a quiet mind that is firmly rooted in who you are, and your belonging.  Everything on and off your phone flows from that security.  When building a brand, you're living from a place of needing affirmation and engagement to bring self-fulfillment. 

Our minds are starving for silence and we don't even know it because our world is so noisy, fast, and full of everyone and everything we want, right at the swipe of a thumb.  (Fun fact: even your thumb swipe is being studied, down to the very things you slow down on while you're scrolling through social media. So, as the algorithms learn you - what you want to keep seeing, what images and links to put in front of you, predicting you - you're actually unlearning yourself.)

Why do we need to make space for silence when we can have it all?
 

pinterest.com

I'm grateful to have sound resources available for us as we walk this road to digital well-being for our mental health. Here are some that hopefully can help you and your families along the way (more links below): 

.

Step one. Make 3 stress resiliency deposits in your day. You can choose some from this list. We had a LOT of daily walks and daily prayers last year in our home. These deposits prove to lower your stress by raising your stress threshold and quieting your mind daily. 

Step Two.  Implement times when you are not on your phone's time. This will eliminate multi-tasking and clear space for you and what is important to you.  
Do Not Disturb on my phone settings. I use this often when I'm deep in work, relational connection, and before bedtime.
Freedom app is another great option. 

Here's to moving forward with more clarity in these important lives of ours.

 #techresponsibly

~Dawn Wible

Find resources for healthy digital habits at talkmoretechless.com

Build a Life. Not a Brand. Pt. 2 ~ 12 Months of Digital Wellness - January

If you haven't yet, I suggest you go back and read Part 1 from our last email, or scroll down to the bottom of this email for a quick recap to see how we're exploring this topic.

How do you know if you are building a life or a brand? 

Using research-based points for digital flourishing we are going to do some gentle self-observations and allow ourselves to be open.  I do these check-ins for myself and I am still learning, growing, and releasing new places.  You're not self-condemning, you're just exploring motivations for your own well-being. It's okay, it's important, and it's good. 

Here we go

Your mind  ✓ When building a life, you're living from a quiet mind that is firmly rooted in who you are, and your belonging.  Everything online and off flows from that security.  When building a brand, you're living from a place of needing affirmation and engagement to bring self-fulfillment. The former allows you to not be too strongly affected by the content you put out and the content you consume. You don't "need" it.  "30% of 18-44 year olds feel anxious if they haven’t checked their social media in the last 2 hours." -Center for Humane Technology, Sept.2020
 

Your People  ✓ When building a life and not a brand you care more about those in your everyday life than you do about gaining likes on your followers list. This can even be applied online with close friends.  "Well-being has been extensively associated with social bonds. When we use social media as a tool to deepen our strong-tie relationships (i.e. those with close friends and family rather than acquaintances or weak-tie relationships), our well-being increases. When we use it to consume content or compare ourselves to others, well-being decreases. - Digital Communication Media Use and Psychological Well-Being, Oxford, Oct.2019
 

Your Time ✓When building a life and not a brand you carve out and value time offline. Unplugging, stepping away from the screen, and pouring into yourself and others are imperative for your health. This is getting more and more important as relationships, work, and school are all on screens.  The U.S. was found to have a 215% increase in time spent on mobile devices last year. - Nielsen, 2020  "One month away from social media leads to a significant improvement in emotional well-being, including a reduction in loneliness and an increase in happiness, as well as a significant reduction in political polarization."-aea journal, March 2020
 

Your Moments ✓ When building a life and not a brand you live in the moment rather than focusing on building the moment for your social media platform.

Live the moment, then share; don't live the moment to share. 

Becoming aware of this is important. We have all experienced it due to what the platform has done to our brains.  "People who took photos to share on social media experienced less enjoyment and less engagement with the scene compared to those who took photos purely for their own pleasure. Closer analysis indicates that taking photos to share on social media increases a user's focus on their own self-identity and self-presentation, distracting them from connecting to the world around them."  
"The mere presence of a mobile phone can disrupt the connection between two people, leading to reduced feelings of empathy, trust, and a sense of closeness." -  Peer-reviewed research, DWI Digital Wellness Institute, Center for Humane Technology
 

Your Character ✓ When building a life and not a brand you care more about your own integrous heart, humility, speech & actions, than you do about winning an argument on all the FB comments.  What your kids believe about your character matters more than any influencer or follower online, and your kids are watching you.  Don't simply get lured by trends, but stand up for your beliefs with authenticity in all areas of life. "Each word of moral outrage added to a tweet increases the rate of retweets by 17%. It takes very little effort to tip the emotional balance within social media spaces, accelerating further polarization." -PNAS, July 2017

When we spend the time to evaluate these vulnerable places in our own lives and online engagement, then we can have the empathy to see others more clearly as well.  Not simply their "brand", we see them as a life.  We can think deeply about the other person, and their experiences, and not get blinded by the quick judgment we've been conditioned to make.  We begin to listen and work together as complicated human beings, not just polarized opinions or pretty faces. We can step back and see the whole truth, the whole person, and use our tech to promote wisdom, goodness, and justice.

How do you build a life and not a brand?  Focus your energy where it is best spent - Life.  
The rest is the icing on the cake, not the cake itself.


 

Approach your screen as an avenue for authentic connection & a tool for life. This will promote your 
mental & relational well-being.  #techresponsibly

Find resources for healthy digital habits at talkmoretechless.com

Build a Life. Not a Brand. Pt. 1 - 12 Months of Digital Wellness - January

"The roots of loneliness are very deep and cannot be touched by optimistic advertisement" Henri Nouwen

By brand identity, I'm not talking business brand here, I'm talking your humanity.

Before we can even venture into healthy tech habits and all the nitty-gritty of digital wellness for our mental and relational health this year, we have to first ask the question, Why? Why are screens replacing so much of our real life and why is our humanity taking a harmful back seat?

When I speak on digital wellness I present the two original purposes (the whys) of technology - productivity & connection. Think airplanes, telephones, factories. When we keep our technology "serving us and not mastering us", as author Gretchen Rubin says, we are using it for its original purpose. We all know that can be a great thing! It sure was this past year when we could FaceTime family to stay connected while in quarantine. Powerful and important social movements and messages changed us and moved us to action. We stayed entertained and bonded over Disney+Mando episodes and yes, all the wonderful memes that got us through 2020 and are still going (hello Bernie!) As well, many of us were able to move school and work home because of our technology serving us.

There is one major aspect that gets in the way of this goal though, and it deeply affects our lives. It is the current place we find ourselves in technology development. It's called The Attention Economy and at the level it has progressed, it is unethical to our humanity, especially the younger generations.

Holding tech accountable to its purposes is vital.

When it comes to screens, our technology is no longer designed to be a tool to help us live life, it's designed to make money off of keeping us engaged. That means when we're on, it's happy and when we get off of it, it's going to find a way to try and lure us back. It uses basic human needs to keep our attention.

What is the very thing we're all wired to long for, even if we don't know it? Belonging. Connection.

Here's what MIT sociologist and psychologist Sherry Turkle says about the over-reliance on technology that is crushing our sense of self. “When they’re always connected, children, adolescents and adults become dependent on the presence of others for validation in the most basic ways,” says Turkle. “They start to need other people to feel validated and they cannot approach others as full, individual, differentiated people.”

Our screens are literally changing our brains to keep us engaged. Here's the most recent example of this happening. Social media, with its dopamine reward system, encourages 24/7 engagement, attaching our minds to it relationally, even when we're not on it. We’re just not made for that and it wears on us, even if we don't know it. The divisive and polarizing arguments, all-eyes-on-me culture, and the voyeuristic crash-and-burn stories going viral. The truth about where social media is headed and how we got here is that humans are involved and being manipulated in a social experiment. We're the product. So it's going to be messy, heartbreaking, and beautiful. The sooner we understand that power and let go of the pressure to try and thrive in the system, the sooner we'll be able to approach our screens with more authenticity, spending our energy where it matters. Your glory, online and off, lies in your understanding of the truth.

The hard part about Snap is it’s a snapshot of the truth.

Here is the truth: Your story and work are deep and wide and all sorts of good, hard, and honest, with so many redemptive layers. Your whole you is not meant to be consumed by a quick scroll and judgment on Insta. For all the beauty and good being created on social media, it can be judgy, and the platform can affect your state of being. So let this sink in.

Your worth is not defined by a logo, post, or filter.

Here is what you are not: You are not a brand. You are not a headshot. You are not a filter. You are not a snap. You are not shallow. You do not have to have the right amount of hearts to have a heart that is valuable. You do not have to subscribe to one way of thinking or being in order to have a voice. You do not have to build your life around what others might want to see or consume from you.
Here is what you are: You are a wonderfully, knit-together, brilliant, intricate, and complicated human being. You are worth being fully known. You are worth time, effort, and pursuit. You are valued, regardless of likes. Your life is sacred and meaningful.

Your moments can be shared or they can be kept to yourself. You get to decide, and learning the power in both will be the key.

How do you know if you are building a life or a brand? Find out on our next email where we'll do some gentle self-observations, I do these check-ins for myself and they help as I am learning and growing here.

 

Find resources for healthy digital habits at talkmoretechless.com

*sources: center for humane technology, digital wellness institute, pew research center, sherryturkle.mit.edu, unplughq.com, childrensscreentimeactionnetwork, nielsen

2021 ~ A Year Of Digital Wellness #techresponsibly

#techresponsibly a Map to Digital Wellness in 2021

Allow me to be honest. I'm longing to set intentions and take action steps toward my own digital habits for health this year and I bet I'm not alone. We all need a reset after this past year.

Here is a small glimpse into 2020: 
~ Since March, there has been a 300% increase in the google search topic "how to get my brain to focus"
~ Economic stress rose from 46% in 2019 to 70% in 2020
~ Work stress rose from 64% in 2019 to 70% in 2020
~ Future of the nation stress rose from 66% in 2019 to 82% in 2020
~ Parents had the largest increase in stress, but kids and others felt it as well.
~ According to WHO (World Health Organization) stress is now considered a world wide epidemic 

With our screens, news, school, work, and communication all in front of our face 24/7 we are feeling the weight and the cost of what we have walked through this past year. As much as our phones saved connection, the research is showing that the over-connectedness took a toll on our brains, bodies, and closest relationships.

So, I'm stepping into 2021 with a sober, yet hopeful perspective. 

For the next 12 months Talk More. Tech Less. is offering steps towards Digital Flourishing.  Topics to keep our eyes up, our minds clearer, and our relationships connected. Once a month here, within our email community, and on our Instagram we will be covering areas that affect our digital, and therefore, our IRL (in real life) physical world. 

So, be on the lookout for our January deep dive into the #techresponsibly
the topic of Build a LIFE, not a BRAND. 

And don't forget to check out our products for healthy digital habits at home at talkmoretechless.com

*sources- peer-reviewed research: center for humane technology, digital wellness institute, pew research center, journal of consumer research