My Undistracted Mind - February - 12 Months of Digital Health

un·dis·tract·ed - able to concentrate fully on something; not distracted.

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Our beautiful human design is being studied & monetized. How do we take back our mind and learn to protect this very important part of our humanity?

Grab a cup of hot tea and settle in for this read. I even challenge you to set aside any distractions and take in this content deeply and fully focused.

We've all been here, picking up our phone to put a dentist date in the calendar, but wait, a text. 

Read: "School is closed tomorrow due to icy weather".
Text husband "kids are out tomorrow, adjust work".
Group texts begin, "Check school social media, guys".
Open instagram for school account, "But wait. I want to make those delicious-looking nachos tonight for dinner!  No, even better, I want to ORDER that lasagna for dinner." Click, swipe. Dinner done. Scroll some more, "Oh my gosh, my nephew got married and I didn't know?!" Text sister, "He's married?" Ok, what was I looking for again? Oh yeah, school social. Yep, school is canceled. 

...dentist appt. never made ;)
2 days later. Oh yeah, I need to make a dentist appt. When? Open calendar...repeat.

Using research-based tools for digital flourishing we are going to look at why our minds are so scattered right now and how to make steps toward a healthier brain.

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I was speaking at a digital wellness training last weekend when I was asked a question by a college intern.  "How can I take time for myself and my mental health if I need to be available at all times for my colleagues to contact me?  We're working on very important projects and they need to get ahold of me at all hours of the day and night. I can't be away from my phone."  This is actually a very common conundrum and I have this conversation often. Parents away from kids, spouses and partners away from one another, suicidal friends at risk, work, school, travel, co-parenting, family members battling illness, hospital calls,... This is a reality for so many of us. 

We. Can't. Be. Away. From. Our. Phones.  

But statistically, most of the time we're not contacting people on our phones. (You can see on your screen-time settings, what you use your phone for most.)  Many times we use it for other purposes, but we are neurologically attached relationally to keep it with us at all times.

I recently noticed a new trend.  Many of us apologize now when we read a text and reply later than when it came in. Like we're actually on the timetable of someone else's life.
"Oh, I'm sorry I'm just seeing this. Yes, I have a dress you can borrow."
"Sorry, I didn't see your message until just now. That is so funny what he said to you!" 
Or, when we're living our moment, whether it's cooking dinner, working, or talking to the kids, and a text comes in, our life stops and we pick up someone else's schedule that they are on, while ours takes a back seat. 
Actually evaluating the important disruptions that we should tend to vs. the distracting disruptions that can be set aside for the time being is valuable work. When we can move toward healthy limits with our phones our brains will thank us.

 Boundaries do not mean we are weak,
they mean we are strong, smart & healthy.

From our January email Building a Life, Not a Brand...

Your mind  ✓ When building a life, you're living from a quiet mind that is firmly rooted in who you are, and your belonging.  Everything on and off your phone flows from that security.  When building a brand, you're living from a place of needing affirmation and engagement to bring self-fulfillment. 

Our minds are starving for silence and we don't even know it because our world is so noisy, fast, and full of everyone and everything we want, right at the swipe of a thumb.  (Fun fact: even your thumb swipe is being studied, down to the very things you slow down on while you're scrolling through social media. So, as the algorithms learn you - what you want to keep seeing, what images and links to put in front of you, predicting you - you're actually unlearning yourself.)

Why do we need to make space for silence when we can have it all?
 

pinterest.com

I'm grateful to have sound resources available for us as we walk this road to digital well-being for our mental health. Here are some that hopefully can help you and your families along the way (more links below): 

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Step one. Make 3 stress resiliency deposits in your day. You can choose some from this list. We had a LOT of daily walks and daily prayers last year in our home. These deposits prove to lower your stress by raising your stress threshold and quieting your mind daily. 

Step Two.  Implement times when you are not on your phone's time. This will eliminate multi-tasking and clear space for you and what is important to you.  
Do Not Disturb on my phone settings. I use this often when I'm deep in work, relational connection, and before bedtime.
Freedom app is another great option. 

Here's to moving forward with more clarity in these important lives of ours.

 #techresponsibly

~Dawn Wible

Find resources for healthy digital habits at talkmoretechless.com

Build a Life. Not a Brand. Pt. 2 ~ 12 Months of Digital Wellness - January

If you haven't yet, I suggest you go back and read Part 1 from our last email, or scroll down to the bottom of this email for a quick recap to see how we're exploring this topic.

How do you know if you are building a life or a brand? 

Using research-based points for digital flourishing we are going to do some gentle self-observations and allow ourselves to be open.  I do these check-ins for myself and I am still learning, growing, and releasing new places.  You're not self-condemning, you're just exploring motivations for your own well-being. It's okay, it's important, and it's good. 

Here we go

Your mind  ✓ When building a life, you're living from a quiet mind that is firmly rooted in who you are, and your belonging.  Everything online and off flows from that security.  When building a brand, you're living from a place of needing affirmation and engagement to bring self-fulfillment. The former allows you to not be too strongly affected by the content you put out and the content you consume. You don't "need" it.  "30% of 18-44 year olds feel anxious if they haven’t checked their social media in the last 2 hours." -Center for Humane Technology, Sept.2020
 

Your People  ✓ When building a life and not a brand you care more about those in your everyday life than you do about gaining likes on your followers list. This can even be applied online with close friends.  "Well-being has been extensively associated with social bonds. When we use social media as a tool to deepen our strong-tie relationships (i.e. those with close friends and family rather than acquaintances or weak-tie relationships), our well-being increases. When we use it to consume content or compare ourselves to others, well-being decreases. - Digital Communication Media Use and Psychological Well-Being, Oxford, Oct.2019
 

Your Time ✓When building a life and not a brand you carve out and value time offline. Unplugging, stepping away from the screen, and pouring into yourself and others are imperative for your health. This is getting more and more important as relationships, work, and school are all on screens.  The U.S. was found to have a 215% increase in time spent on mobile devices last year. - Nielsen, 2020  "One month away from social media leads to a significant improvement in emotional well-being, including a reduction in loneliness and an increase in happiness, as well as a significant reduction in political polarization."-aea journal, March 2020
 

Your Moments ✓ When building a life and not a brand you live in the moment rather than focusing on building the moment for your social media platform.

Live the moment, then share; don't live the moment to share. 

Becoming aware of this is important. We have all experienced it due to what the platform has done to our brains.  "People who took photos to share on social media experienced less enjoyment and less engagement with the scene compared to those who took photos purely for their own pleasure. Closer analysis indicates that taking photos to share on social media increases a user's focus on their own self-identity and self-presentation, distracting them from connecting to the world around them."  
"The mere presence of a mobile phone can disrupt the connection between two people, leading to reduced feelings of empathy, trust, and a sense of closeness." -  Peer-reviewed research, DWI Digital Wellness Institute, Center for Humane Technology
 

Your Character ✓ When building a life and not a brand you care more about your own integrous heart, humility, speech & actions, than you do about winning an argument on all the FB comments.  What your kids believe about your character matters more than any influencer or follower online, and your kids are watching you.  Don't simply get lured by trends, but stand up for your beliefs with authenticity in all areas of life. "Each word of moral outrage added to a tweet increases the rate of retweets by 17%. It takes very little effort to tip the emotional balance within social media spaces, accelerating further polarization." -PNAS, July 2017

When we spend the time to evaluate these vulnerable places in our own lives and online engagement, then we can have the empathy to see others more clearly as well.  Not simply their "brand", we see them as a life.  We can think deeply about the other person, and their experiences, and not get blinded by the quick judgment we've been conditioned to make.  We begin to listen and work together as complicated human beings, not just polarized opinions or pretty faces. We can step back and see the whole truth, the whole person, and use our tech to promote wisdom, goodness, and justice.

How do you build a life and not a brand?  Focus your energy where it is best spent - Life.  
The rest is the icing on the cake, not the cake itself.


 

Approach your screen as an avenue for authentic connection & a tool for life. This will promote your 
mental & relational well-being.  #techresponsibly

Find resources for healthy digital habits at talkmoretechless.com

Build a Life. Not a Brand. Pt. 1 - 12 Months of Digital Wellness - January

"The roots of loneliness are very deep and cannot be touched by optimistic advertisement" Henri Nouwen

By brand identity, I'm not talking business brand here, I'm talking your humanity.

Before we can even venture into healthy tech habits and all the nitty-gritty of digital wellness for our mental and relational health this year, we have to first ask the question, Why? Why are screens replacing so much of our real life and why is our humanity taking a harmful back seat?

When I speak on digital wellness I present the two original purposes (the whys) of technology - productivity & connection. Think airplanes, telephones, factories. When we keep our technology "serving us and not mastering us", as author Gretchen Rubin says, we are using it for its original purpose. We all know that can be a great thing! It sure was this past year when we could FaceTime family to stay connected while in quarantine. Powerful and important social movements and messages changed us and moved us to action. We stayed entertained and bonded over Disney+Mando episodes and yes, all the wonderful memes that got us through 2020 and are still going (hello Bernie!) As well, many of us were able to move school and work home because of our technology serving us.

There is one major aspect that gets in the way of this goal though, and it deeply affects our lives. It is the current place we find ourselves in technology development. It's called The Attention Economy and at the level it has progressed, it is unethical to our humanity, especially the younger generations.

Holding tech accountable to its purposes is vital.

When it comes to screens, our technology is no longer designed to be a tool to help us live life, it's designed to make money off of keeping us engaged. That means when we're on, it's happy and when we get off of it, it's going to find a way to try and lure us back. It uses basic human needs to keep our attention.

What is the very thing we're all wired to long for, even if we don't know it? Belonging. Connection.

Here's what MIT sociologist and psychologist Sherry Turkle says about the over-reliance on technology that is crushing our sense of self. “When they’re always connected, children, adolescents and adults become dependent on the presence of others for validation in the most basic ways,” says Turkle. “They start to need other people to feel validated and they cannot approach others as full, individual, differentiated people.”

Our screens are literally changing our brains to keep us engaged. Here's the most recent example of this happening. Social media, with its dopamine reward system, encourages 24/7 engagement, attaching our minds to it relationally, even when we're not on it. We’re just not made for that and it wears on us, even if we don't know it. The divisive and polarizing arguments, all-eyes-on-me culture, and the voyeuristic crash-and-burn stories going viral. The truth about where social media is headed and how we got here is that humans are involved and being manipulated in a social experiment. We're the product. So it's going to be messy, heartbreaking, and beautiful. The sooner we understand that power and let go of the pressure to try and thrive in the system, the sooner we'll be able to approach our screens with more authenticity, spending our energy where it matters. Your glory, online and off, lies in your understanding of the truth.

The hard part about Snap is it’s a snapshot of the truth.

Here is the truth: Your story and work are deep and wide and all sorts of good, hard, and honest, with so many redemptive layers. Your whole you is not meant to be consumed by a quick scroll and judgment on Insta. For all the beauty and good being created on social media, it can be judgy, and the platform can affect your state of being. So let this sink in.

Your worth is not defined by a logo, post, or filter.

Here is what you are not: You are not a brand. You are not a headshot. You are not a filter. You are not a snap. You are not shallow. You do not have to have the right amount of hearts to have a heart that is valuable. You do not have to subscribe to one way of thinking or being in order to have a voice. You do not have to build your life around what others might want to see or consume from you.
Here is what you are: You are a wonderfully, knit-together, brilliant, intricate, and complicated human being. You are worth being fully known. You are worth time, effort, and pursuit. You are valued, regardless of likes. Your life is sacred and meaningful.

Your moments can be shared or they can be kept to yourself. You get to decide, and learning the power in both will be the key.

How do you know if you are building a life or a brand? Find out on our next email where we'll do some gentle self-observations, I do these check-ins for myself and they help as I am learning and growing here.

 

Find resources for healthy digital habits at talkmoretechless.com

*sources: center for humane technology, digital wellness institute, pew research center, sherryturkle.mit.edu, unplughq.com, childrensscreentimeactionnetwork, nielsen

2021 ~ A Year Of Digital Wellness #techresponsibly

#techresponsibly a Map to Digital Wellness in 2021

Allow me to be honest. I'm longing to set intentions and take action steps toward my own digital habits for health this year and I bet I'm not alone. We all need a reset after this past year.

Here is a small glimpse into 2020: 
~ Since March, there has been a 300% increase in the google search topic "how to get my brain to focus"
~ Economic stress rose from 46% in 2019 to 70% in 2020
~ Work stress rose from 64% in 2019 to 70% in 2020
~ Future of the nation stress rose from 66% in 2019 to 82% in 2020
~ Parents had the largest increase in stress, but kids and others felt it as well.
~ According to WHO (World Health Organization) stress is now considered a world wide epidemic 

With our screens, news, school, work, and communication all in front of our face 24/7 we are feeling the weight and the cost of what we have walked through this past year. As much as our phones saved connection, the research is showing that the over-connectedness took a toll on our brains, bodies, and closest relationships.

So, I'm stepping into 2021 with a sober, yet hopeful perspective. 

For the next 12 months Talk More. Tech Less. is offering steps towards Digital Flourishing.  Topics to keep our eyes up, our minds clearer, and our relationships connected. Once a month here, within our email community, and on our Instagram we will be covering areas that affect our digital, and therefore, our IRL (in real life) physical world. 

So, be on the lookout for our January deep dive into the #techresponsibly
the topic of Build a LIFE, not a BRAND. 

And don't forget to check out our products for healthy digital habits at home at talkmoretechless.com

*sources- peer-reviewed research: center for humane technology, digital wellness institute, pew research center, journal of consumer research